


Certainly

by Tallulah_Rasa



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, Psych evaluations, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-15 10:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2226531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah_Rasa/pseuds/Tallulah_Rasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SG-1 vs. the SGC psychiatric evaluation process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Certainly

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2004; set in Season 7. This is kinda-sorta a companion piece to "Certified," which is about the same thing, but during Season 2. As with the earlier story, this is a very unserious take on a serious topic, and no disrespect is intended.

"With all due respect _\--_ " Jack began.

"I'm sorry," General Hammond said. "Those are the regulations. If it's any consolation, the available evidence does seem to support the idea. Relationships tend to fray after a certain number of years."

"I have seen a documentary on this very thing," Teal'c said. "It was entitled, 'The Seven Year Itch'."

"That's a movie, Teal'c," Sam said, giving Jack a look.

"Hey, it wasn't me!" Jack said.

"I saw it in the company of Daniel Jackson," Teal'c concurred.

"It has archeological significance...?" Jack asked, turning a look of his own on Daniel.

"It has Marilyn Monroe," Daniel said with a smile and a small shrug.

It was Hammond who gave Daniel a look then, but Daniel didn't appear to notice. "We're getting off the point here, people," Hammond said, pulling himself back to the matter at hand. "These evaluations are now mandatory for long-term teams, and based on the outcome you may be reassigned to other teams."

"Not gonna happen," Jack said.

"We just got Daniel back," Sam added. "In fact, technically the team hasn't been together seven years."

"If you count in all the times we were on stand down..." Daniel said.

"Or dead," Jack threw in.

"We don't meet the maximum at all," Sam finished, unfazed.

"I'm afraid the brass isn't buying that," Hammond said. "So we'll be scheduling individual and group evaluations on--"

"There may be a problem," Janet Fraiser said as she entered the briefing room.

"And why is that?" Hammond asked, as Jack called out, "Yes!"

The doctor gave the Colonel a quick smile, but then turned a more serious eye to another member of the team. "We're having trouble finding a psychiatrist for Dr. Jackson's evaluation."

"I'm sure the doctors we have on staff--" Hammond began.

"Um--" Daniel broke in, fiddling with his glasses.

"You have something to say, Dr. Jackson?"

"I've, um, been through them all," Daniel said, somewhat apologetically.

"Been through them all?"

"They all refuse to see him again," Janet explained.

"All of them?" Jack asked, clearly impressed.

"Well, all of them except MacKenzie," Daniel said, striving, as always, for accuracy.

"He had you committed," Sam said. "I thought he wasn't allowed to treat you again."

"Indeed," Teal'c said. "I suggested to him that this would be a wise idea, after I recovered from Machello's device." He nodded at Daniel.

"If he were allowed to treat me, he'd probably refuse," Daniel said. "He thinks we have an antagonistic relationship. And it's true that I did write a report calling him an incompetent as--"

"Dr. Jackson," Hammond broke in. "Surely one of the other doctors on staff could be persuaded?"

"To know him is to be annoyed by him," Jack said, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smirk. "I've always said so."

"Dr. Robinson?" Hammond continued doggedly. "The one from the Pentagon?"

Daniel ducked his head. "I saw him when he was first assigned here. Right after I--I came back."

"Descended," Sam said with a smile.

"Right," Daniel said, smiling back at her. "I guess you could call it that. Anyway, he did my back-to-work evaluation. I guess the background information he got wasn't all that complete."

"Even 'Classified' doesn't cover everything," Janet fretted. "I mean we don't really know _how_ to explain some things in a medical report."

"I can imagine," Hammond said.

"Mostly with Daniel's records," Janet added.

"And so your meeting with Dr. Robinson...?" Hammond asked Daniel.

Daniel made a face before looking earnestly around the table. "Um, well, he asked me what I'd been doing, and I told him I'd died and ascended to a higher plane of existence, and then come back."

"I see," Hammond said gravely.

"I thought he was asking about my memory," Daniel explained. "I thought he wanted to know if I remembered what had happened."

I'm sure you did, Daniel," Jack said. "So, what did Doc Robinson do with this information?"

"Well, at first he just called in Dr. Fraiser to um...you know." Daniel twirled a finger at his temple. "The paperwork to have someone committed needs two signatures. But Janet confirmed what I told him."

"And then--?"

"He just stared at me for a while. I finally went to go get him a cup of coffee."

"Uh-huh," Jack said.

"He seemed like he needed it. Well, he seemed like he needed a drink," Daniel said.

"I know the feeling," Jack said. Sam squelched a laugh.

"Then I asked him about his family, and we talked a while about his son's baseball team."

Hammond was by now trying to suppress a smile. Jack wasn't even trying. "I see," the General said again.

"Eventually," Daniel said, "he asked me if I was having any problems. So I told him the _Journal of Archeology_ refused to restart my subscription."

"Ah," Teal'c said.

"Big problem," Jack noted.

"Well, yeah," Daniel said, getting a little riled up. "I mean, I understand their point of view; it _was_ the second time the subscription was terminated due to my death. But still. I paid for a _lifetime_ subscription. And it's not like I can pick a copy up at the newsstand."

"No," Jack said.

"Dr. Robinson left after that," Daniel said. "I finally had to get the Air Force to buy a subscription to the journal in Nyan's name."

"Good move," Jack said.

"They'll never print one of my letters to the editor now," Daniel said. "If the Air Force would let me write one, that is. And if they knew I wasn't a crackpot."

"Wasn't there somebody on the psychiatric staff who had an interest in archeology?" Sam asked. "I remember meeting her in your lab."

"Dr. Ventiano," Janet supplied.

"Uh, yeah," Daniel said.

"Didn't like her attitude toward ascension?" Jack asked.

"Didn't like her attitude toward Budge," Daniel said. "We had words."

"I see," Hammond said again, for something to say.

"It got a little heated," Daniel admitted. "But _she_ brought it up."

"Harkness," Sam said. "What about her? Teal'c and Janet and I had lunch with her once. She seemed pretty nice."

"She appeared to be quite young," Teal'c observed.

"She was," Daniel said. "She went to college at sixteen, and to medical school at nineteen."

Carter looked at him.

"Her father pushed her," Daniel said. "She was never sure she wanted to be a doctor."

"Daniel...?" Jack said.

"I had to see her after Dr. Robinson," Daniel said. "When Dr.Ventiano excused herself from my evaluation."

"To know him..." Jack sing-songed.

"And...?" Janet said.

"She asked me about my childhood-- everybody always does--and I said I'd gone to college when I was sixteen, and she said she had, too. So I asked her how that was for her."

"Of course you did," Sam said fondly.

"She went through a lot of Kleenex," Daniel confided. "I felt kind of bad. I guess I brought up some unpleasant memories."

"That was not your fault, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said.

"I probably shouldn't have said anything about it," Daniel said, eyeing Janet nervously.

"No harm done. Now, what about the psychiatrist who did your most recent post-mission evaluation?" Hammond asked, trying to steer the conversation into calmer waters.

"Right," Daniel said. "Goldstein. He asked me to rank my current stress level from one to ten."

"They _never_ ask me that," Sam groused. "It's always, 'how is it being a woman on an all-male team?' "

"Fun, huh?" Jack said.

"You betcha," Sam said.

"I said four," Daniel said.

"Four?" five voices chorused.

"It was right after the thing with Pharrin and--you know," Daniel said defensively. "So it was a little higher than usual."

Five heads nodded in understanding.

"Goldstein said I was lying, or in denial."

"He said that? To _you_?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Weird, huh? So I told him that my definition of stress might be a little different than his."

"Damn straight," Jack said.

"He resigned," Janet said. "Said the workload was too stressful."

"Dealing with the military _is_ pretty stressful," Daniel said. "No offence, Sir."

"I understand," Hammond said.

"Llewellyn," Sam said.

"He left after a week," Janet said.

"Hey, that wasn't _me_ ," Daniel said at Jack's pointed smirk. "That was Teal'c."

"He was not up to the task of dealing with a Jaffa warrior," Teal'c said primly.

"Didn't like the idea of Junior?" Jack asked.

"Teal'c described the implantation process in great detail," Daniel said, grinning.

"Daniel!" Sam said.

"I only suggested the medical establishment might benefit from exposure to _complete_ information," Daniel said.

"I see," General Hammond said, trying to hide his smile and not succeeding to any appreciable degree.

"It's possible," Janet said, "to make an argument that normal medical considerations don't apply to certain personnel in certain circumstances."

"Doc?" Jack leaned forward. "In English?"

"I could make a case that given your unique experiences and --well, personal quirks--that the four of you can _only_ work with each other."

"Haven't I been saying that?" Jack asked, slapping the table. "I mean, who else would understand Carter? Or translate human culture for Teal'c? Or deal with our continually reanimated archeologist here?"

"Or put up with _you_ ," Daniel added.

"I'm a prize," Jack said. "But I'm willing to forego the opportunity to share my greatness with other teams in order to whip this sad crew into shape."

"Sold," Janet said, and Hammond nodded and closed his file folder.

"So--that's it?" Jack asked, looking from one to the other. "No more of this seven-year stuff? We're good?"

"You're stuck with each other," Janet confirmed. "For good."

"Sweet," Jack said.

 

END

 


End file.
